trying not to think about it

Just doing a little "venting" here... I'm thinking about how stuff at work is really ticking me off.. but in the scheme of things, is it really worth it to get worked up over this? Um, no, it's not. So, I'm going to try and focus on something else besides for myself. Yeah, stuff is screwed-up, but it's not in my control so I need to let it go.

Instead, I should think about how Jeremy Camp is going to be on KLOVE in a few minutes. yippee..

"There will be a day, with no more tears, No more pain, no more fears, There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face!" Jeremy Camp

Hebrews 4:12-13
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."

Jeremy Camp Live

www.jeremycamplive.com

I'm so excited, Jeremy Camp's new album comes out today with live recordings of their tunes. I love this band and I'm so thankful they are so bold for Christ.

Desperation

I was listening to a devotional by Jeremy Camp for his song "Surrender," and I was really, completely touched by something he said that I had to write it down. In it, Jeremy Camp says : "The more I walk with the Lord, the closer my walk goes with Him, the more I realize my desperation for Him." I just love this, because it reminds me of the writings of Paul.. "For He has said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong." II Corinthians 12:9-11 (I'm thankful to say I typed that from memory.) In this, I remind myself that when I struggle with something it just allows me to lean on Him more.. that I am desperate for Him!
The quote was taken from one of Jeremy Camp's devotionals for the song "Surrender." It's a reminder that we need to come before the King and daily surrender to Him.
Purify this tainted soul
I'm tired of living life a fool
Soften up this hardened clay
To be a servant this I pray
A reflection of you I long to be
So your kingdom I will seek
I surrender to your throne
I will make my heart your home
Oh I surrender to your throne
I've taken things I thought my own
Only to reap what I've sown
You've given back the years I've fought
Unending love and grace you've brought
Eterna hope and peace you bring
And forever unto you I will sing
I surrender to your throne......Jeremy Camp

releasing the struggles..over and over!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I get so caught up in myself, caught up in my struggles with my demons. I make them so big in my mind and get all tangled up--so much so that I feel I need to leave everything and everyone behind--including my husband and daughter. I am not speaking of dying, but just leaving.. packing up and heading out but, unfortunately, myself will always follow. I know, I know, this sounds horrible, but this is the degree to which this struggle has plagued me. But, I came upon an enlightenment this morning as I was listening to Rita Springer--in this particular song she says "I'm grabbing onto the garments of grace." And it hit me, I need to hold onto His grace and never let go. My God is so, so much bigger than any struggle I could ever conceive in my mind. His Grace Is Enough! These are words and "concepts" that are not new to me, but this time I take them to heart. I make them my prayer. I accept this struggle, Lord, I hold onto it, make it make me feel miserable and ashamed, unworthy of your death and resurrection........... Now, I release it to you. I will rest in your everlasting grace.

For the past few weeks I've been feeling somewhat in a spiritual slump. Realizing that the slump was most likely the result of not spending enough time in the word, I broke out the Bible and a book a dear friend gave me by Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness. Instead of "feeling" (Praise God that our true relationship with Him is not just based on our "feelings!") instantly renewed and holy, I felt anxiety and angst. I was so displeased with my lack of willingness to turn away from my repetitive sin---sin that grieves my Lord. I began to question whether or not I was truly His child... whether I had truly taken on the conversion and transformation that this entails. Instead of giving up and turning back to my lackluster life, I pressed on and I prayed. I shared my concerns briefly with Renee, and also with my husband. They were able to open my eyes and my heart to the fact that the anxiety and angst towards my sin are a good thing. Just being cognizant of this alone brought me into a new light and closer to my Savior. Struggling with sin doesn't make me unsaved, it makes me more reliant on Him! Through this reliance I gain humility and seek His grace. Renee pointed out that if I was "perfect" in my battle with sin, I would fall into the sin of pride. I know I will not be perfect, I will not be complete until I meet Him face-to-face on that beautiful day. Until then, I will seek to do His will, to be grieved by my sins as much as they grieve my Savior and rely on His grace, faith and love.

A bush in the desert or a tree by the stream?

This is not very original, because I am 'copying' the encouraging word from K-Love radio on June 1st. The scripture was from Jeremiah, which I admit, is not a chapter I turn to frequently when I pick up my Bible. It brought to me great encouragement (hence the name, "encouraging word") in my walk with our most Heavenly Father. When I feel like I'm being attacked by the enemy, I still need to perservere and find my solace and strength in the Lord. (His power is perfected in my weakness!)
Thus says the Lord,
"Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind
And makes flesh his strength,
And whose heart turns away from the Lord.
"For he will be like a bush in the desert
And will not see when prosperity comes,
But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness,
A land of salt without inhabitant.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord
And whose trust is the Lord.
"For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
That extends its roots by a stream
And will not fear when the heat comes;
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit. " Jeremiah 17: 5-8
Lord, help me to place my trust in you, to not seek approval from my peers, co-workers, friends! Help me to be bold and courageous in my walk with you, so that my roots will be planted firm by your living water! Help me to withstand the "heat" from the enemy who prowls around and seeks to devour!

Everlasting God

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins. A voice of one calling: "In the desert prepare the way for the Lord ; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken." A voice says, "Cry out." And I said, "What shall I cry?" "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain. You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say to the towns of Judah, "Here is your God!" See the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens: Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighted the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who has understood the mind of the Lord or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding? Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust. Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires, nor its animals enough for burnt offerings. Before him all the nations are as nothing; they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing. To whom, then, will you comjpare God? What image will you compare him to? As for an idol, a craftsman casts it, and a goldsmith overlays it with gold and fashions silver chains for it. A man too poor to present such an offering selects wood that will not rot. He looks for a skilled craftsman to set up an idol that will not topple. Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? He sits entrhoned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord: my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40

I was moved by the song Everlasting God which quotes part of Isaiah 40 in it during Sunday morning worship, which prompted me to look up Isaiah 40. This is one of my friend, Karey's, favorite songs, so I was excited they played it. --she has been a wonderful encouragement to me. What a powerful passage! I started out just putting verses 25-31 here, but then I thought I should include the entire chapter!

What an incredible gift.

I am dumbfounded by this incredible gift I have in front of me. It has been there since even before I can remember. (And it has been there since before I was born into this world.) I can not believe that I have not rejoiced in this gift daily... allowing it to sit on my night stand, on the shelf, on top of the filing cabinet, on the floor or countless other places I have left it.. to gather dust!! This is the Word of the Lord I am speaking about. It is the Sword of the Spirit. So powerful, I can not describe the depths of it. I am convicted that I should not let a day go by without opening this gift for strength, wisdom and encouragement. I have been reading Lee Strobel's The Case for Christ, and although I have never fallen into my doubts of the actual authenticity of the Bible, I am amazed at the historical and logical authentication we have for the Word of God, the life and resurrection of God's son, Jesus Christ and the writings of the gospel!

Ephesians 6: 10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord an in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In additiion to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Rejoicing in my weakness!

Yes, I know the title is somewhat odd, but in my reading of Purpose Driven Life, substantiated through scripture, I don't have to beat myself up over my weakness... for it is what allows Him to show his mercy and grace. I can boldly approach his throne for grace. Dare I compare myself to Paul, a great servant of Christ... his writings are so powerful and spirit filled!..
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messsenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.
I am partly ashamed of myself.. having to rediscover these writings and scriptures that I basically have heard since I can remember. But I feel as though I have been re-born and it is all so refreshingly new again.. I guess that's why they call it "born again!" I suppose that is why I am facing such struggles at the moment..to renew my faith and trust in him... to put my weaknesses (again and again) on Him and rely on His perfect power. What an awesome and merciful God we have! He was pierced for our transgressions... a perfect man, the Son of God, he was without sin, but he paid our debt. He conquered the grave and he is mighty to save!

so frustrated...

I don't know what it is about me... Why do I withold from the Lord? Why am I unwilling to fully surrender to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to control my life? I am learning that sanctification is an ongoing process; however, I am not allowing Christ into every aspect of my life. I continue to hold onto sin which separates me from His power and will for my life. Observing this about myself poses the question... Am I willing to allow the Holy Spirit to change me? Why do I continue to think about "my" way instead of God's way?

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Lord, this is my prayer, allow the Holy Spirit to fully change my heart. Change my thoughts and my desires. I surrender to you, to your everlasting love and power. I am weak. I am broken. Take my will, please Lord, and make it yours.

I spoke with Him this morning...

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And who showed the moon where to hide 'till evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well, I know my Redeemer lives.
I know my Redeemer lives.
All of creation testifies,this life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives.

The very same God that spins things in orbit
runs to the weary, the worn and the weak.
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
they conquered death to bring me victory.

Now I know, my Redeemer lives!
I know my Redeemer lives.
Let all creation testifiy...
Let this life within me cry, I know my Redeemer lives!

He lives to take away my shame.
And He lives forever I'll proclaim,
that the payment for my sin
was the precious life He gave.
But now He's alive and there's an empty grave!

I know my Redeemer lives!
Because He lives I can face tomorrow.
He lives
I spoke with Him this morning!
He lives
The tomb is empty!
He lives
I've got to tell everybody!

"Redeemer" by Nicole C. Mullen

Why aren't His hands reaching?

This will be a short blog entry, because I'm tired and I am going off to dream-land soon! In days 15-19 of the Purpose Driven Life, I've seen an ongoing theme. A theme stressing the need to be a part of a community of believers, a theme stressing the need to love others, to have accountability, and give and receive mercy and sympathy. I am a part of God's family, a part of the Body of Christ. I need to act it.... to live it. For the past several years, I have turned myself "inward" and away from the body of believers. How wrong this is! I look back on the years in which I had the most spiritual growth, and they were the ones in which I was a part of a small group of other believers whom I was honest and open with. I didn't know that reading this book was going to ignite such a change in my life, but I have a feeling "a change is gonna come!"

"But if we are the Body

Why aren't His arms reaching ?

Why aren't His hands healing?

Why aren't His words teaching ?

And if we are the Body,

Why aren't His feet going?

Why is His love not showing them there is a way?" Casting Crowns

Coming back....

"When you praise God when you don't feel like it, when you get out of bed to worship, when you're tired, or when you help others when you are worn out, you are offering a sacrifice of worship to God. That pleases God." Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life

I'm so incredibly selfish... I've always thought of how I felt when I 'worshipped' God. Well, it's time for a wake-up call. It's not about how I feel, it's about lifting up God.

Heart of Worship by Matt Redman
When the music fades, and all is stripped away and I simply come. Longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless your heart. I ‘ll bring you more than a song for a song in itself, is not what you have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear. You’re looking into my heart. I’m coming back to the heart of worship, it’s all about you, all about you Jesus. I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus.

King of endless worth, no one could express how much you deserve. Though I’m weak and poor, all I have is yours.. every single breath. I’ll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear, you’re looking into my heart. I’m coming back to the heart of worship, it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus. I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus.
It’s all about you. Jesus.

Renewal

I have experienced renewal in my relationship with the Lord. It is so exciting, like getting back in touch with someone who you were once really close to, but lost touch somehow. During that time, I didn't realize how much I really missed him. However, since I have rediscovered him, I know how much I really need him and love him! It sounds rather strange for me to be speaking of my relationship with the Almighty One like this, but I just can't think of a better way to describe it! I need to lean on Him and trust Him--just as I would a very close friend. I need to seek to spend time with Him, grow in my friendship with Him. I am not going to hold anything back--I will be completely honest.

"Revive me according to your loving kindness. Revive me, that I may seek your word. Revive me, Oh Lord. You give me understanding according to your word. Great peace for those who seek your face. I long for salvation, my lips shall praise your name. I'll rejoice in the treasure of your keep. For all my ways are before you. I let your hand become my help. My soul longs and adores you. Let my cry come before you, Oh Lord. Revive me." -Jeremy Camp

God is my friend.

Day 11 of The Purpose Driven Life stresses that God desires to be my friend. What an extraordinary concept. Jesus paid for my sins on the cross so that I may have a direct relationship with our Creator. So, since God is my friend, I am to be in constant conversation with him... I need to share everything with him... just as I would a very close friend.

"Pray without ceasing." I Thessalonians 5:17

Prayer allows us to speak to God.... Meditation allows God to speak to us.

Some of my favorite excerpts from The Shack

An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children.

He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part,

but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others.

A. W. Tozer

Son, this is not about shaming you, I don't do humiliation, or guilt, or condemnation. They don't produce one speck of wholeness or righteousness, and that is why they were nailed into Jesus on the cross. Papa

I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. Mack

Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience;

it is all about relationships of love and respect. Jesus

The Shack by William Paul Young

What an amazing journey in which I am so thankful and blessed to have been a part of. At least, that's how I felt as I read through this book. It was an eye-opening as well as heart-wrenching experience. I was made to think of my Father "Papa" in ways I had never thought before. I am examining the ways I have viewed God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Intellectually, I've always known they were "one," but how I internalized that spiritually is another story. I pray that I will continue to grow in His infinite love...and that I will continually learn to surrender to him, to trust him, to allow Jesus to rescue me because so many times I find myself drowning.

The heart of worship

The heart of worshipping God is surrendering myself. This is not just a one-time deal. I have to remind myself to continually surrender throughout the day. "I surrender all."

100%

My heart is so full it is about to explode. My head is filled with so much inspiration it is hard to put it into words. All I know is that we are fallen, broken... but with the power of the holy spirit we are redeemed and brought to God. I ask you, Lord, to remove the sin that stands in the way of a pure and complete relationship with you. I give my heart and my life to you right now. No more compartmentalizing, no more holding back. Help me to be a woman who pleases you!

She is clothed with strength and dignity: she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness...Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31: 26-27, 30

Here I am...

"Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down. Here I am to say that you're my God. You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, althogether wonderful to me." Jeremy Camp

We were created for God's pleasure! "You are worthy, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11

Worship is for the Lord, and not for my own benefit--worship is a lifestyle! I need to keep in mind that anything I do can be done to worship my Lord... "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I Cor 10:31.

Let it rise!

The point for me to keep in mind for today is that I need to try and glorify God in whatever I do. I'm definitely going to need to lean on his power for this, because I constantly find myself struggling with this sort of thing. I'm such a sinner, but his strength is made perfect in my weakness!

Holly cookies

Here's a shot of my little stinker with the holly cookies we made for Christmas. I'm not much of a cook so, these were all we made. I not only love these because they're pretty good (if you can get beyond the green food coloring!), but also because they are a recipe from my second mom, Rose Ann. She went to be with the Lord in April of 1996. I have to say that Christmas hasn't been the same since. She always brought a special spirit of joy to the season. Although I miss her all year long, it's during this time I miss her the most.

January 8th, first blog entry

I've finally taken the plunge and started The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. My friend, Karey, described it as a "life-changing" book, and I must say that so far I agree with her. Today I am on day 6 of the journey. I am going to try to keep reminding myself that this world is not my home. My life on earth is a temporary assignment, and I was created to serve my Lord! When I die, I will not leave "home," I will be going home to be with my creator.