so frustrated...

I don't know what it is about me... Why do I withold from the Lord? Why am I unwilling to fully surrender to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to control my life? I am learning that sanctification is an ongoing process; however, I am not allowing Christ into every aspect of my life. I continue to hold onto sin which separates me from His power and will for my life. Observing this about myself poses the question... Am I willing to allow the Holy Spirit to change me? Why do I continue to think about "my" way instead of God's way?

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Lord, this is my prayer, allow the Holy Spirit to fully change my heart. Change my thoughts and my desires. I surrender to you, to your everlasting love and power. I am weak. I am broken. Take my will, please Lord, and make it yours.

I spoke with Him this morning...

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And who showed the moon where to hide 'till evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well, I know my Redeemer lives.
I know my Redeemer lives.
All of creation testifies,this life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives.

The very same God that spins things in orbit
runs to the weary, the worn and the weak.
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
they conquered death to bring me victory.

Now I know, my Redeemer lives!
I know my Redeemer lives.
Let all creation testifiy...
Let this life within me cry, I know my Redeemer lives!

He lives to take away my shame.
And He lives forever I'll proclaim,
that the payment for my sin
was the precious life He gave.
But now He's alive and there's an empty grave!

I know my Redeemer lives!
Because He lives I can face tomorrow.
He lives
I spoke with Him this morning!
He lives
The tomb is empty!
He lives
I've got to tell everybody!

"Redeemer" by Nicole C. Mullen

Why aren't His hands reaching?

This will be a short blog entry, because I'm tired and I am going off to dream-land soon! In days 15-19 of the Purpose Driven Life, I've seen an ongoing theme. A theme stressing the need to be a part of a community of believers, a theme stressing the need to love others, to have accountability, and give and receive mercy and sympathy. I am a part of God's family, a part of the Body of Christ. I need to act it.... to live it. For the past several years, I have turned myself "inward" and away from the body of believers. How wrong this is! I look back on the years in which I had the most spiritual growth, and they were the ones in which I was a part of a small group of other believers whom I was honest and open with. I didn't know that reading this book was going to ignite such a change in my life, but I have a feeling "a change is gonna come!"

"But if we are the Body

Why aren't His arms reaching ?

Why aren't His hands healing?

Why aren't His words teaching ?

And if we are the Body,

Why aren't His feet going?

Why is His love not showing them there is a way?" Casting Crowns

Coming back....

"When you praise God when you don't feel like it, when you get out of bed to worship, when you're tired, or when you help others when you are worn out, you are offering a sacrifice of worship to God. That pleases God." Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life

I'm so incredibly selfish... I've always thought of how I felt when I 'worshipped' God. Well, it's time for a wake-up call. It's not about how I feel, it's about lifting up God.

Heart of Worship by Matt Redman
When the music fades, and all is stripped away and I simply come. Longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless your heart. I ‘ll bring you more than a song for a song in itself, is not what you have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear. You’re looking into my heart. I’m coming back to the heart of worship, it’s all about you, all about you Jesus. I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus.

King of endless worth, no one could express how much you deserve. Though I’m weak and poor, all I have is yours.. every single breath. I’ll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear, you’re looking into my heart. I’m coming back to the heart of worship, it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus. I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus.
It’s all about you. Jesus.

Renewal

I have experienced renewal in my relationship with the Lord. It is so exciting, like getting back in touch with someone who you were once really close to, but lost touch somehow. During that time, I didn't realize how much I really missed him. However, since I have rediscovered him, I know how much I really need him and love him! It sounds rather strange for me to be speaking of my relationship with the Almighty One like this, but I just can't think of a better way to describe it! I need to lean on Him and trust Him--just as I would a very close friend. I need to seek to spend time with Him, grow in my friendship with Him. I am not going to hold anything back--I will be completely honest.

"Revive me according to your loving kindness. Revive me, that I may seek your word. Revive me, Oh Lord. You give me understanding according to your word. Great peace for those who seek your face. I long for salvation, my lips shall praise your name. I'll rejoice in the treasure of your keep. For all my ways are before you. I let your hand become my help. My soul longs and adores you. Let my cry come before you, Oh Lord. Revive me." -Jeremy Camp

God is my friend.

Day 11 of The Purpose Driven Life stresses that God desires to be my friend. What an extraordinary concept. Jesus paid for my sins on the cross so that I may have a direct relationship with our Creator. So, since God is my friend, I am to be in constant conversation with him... I need to share everything with him... just as I would a very close friend.

"Pray without ceasing." I Thessalonians 5:17

Prayer allows us to speak to God.... Meditation allows God to speak to us.

Some of my favorite excerpts from The Shack

An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children.

He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part,

but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others.

A. W. Tozer

Son, this is not about shaming you, I don't do humiliation, or guilt, or condemnation. They don't produce one speck of wholeness or righteousness, and that is why they were nailed into Jesus on the cross. Papa

I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. Mack

Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience;

it is all about relationships of love and respect. Jesus

The Shack by William Paul Young

What an amazing journey in which I am so thankful and blessed to have been a part of. At least, that's how I felt as I read through this book. It was an eye-opening as well as heart-wrenching experience. I was made to think of my Father "Papa" in ways I had never thought before. I am examining the ways I have viewed God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Intellectually, I've always known they were "one," but how I internalized that spiritually is another story. I pray that I will continue to grow in His infinite love...and that I will continually learn to surrender to him, to trust him, to allow Jesus to rescue me because so many times I find myself drowning.

The heart of worship

The heart of worshipping God is surrendering myself. This is not just a one-time deal. I have to remind myself to continually surrender throughout the day. "I surrender all."

100%

My heart is so full it is about to explode. My head is filled with so much inspiration it is hard to put it into words. All I know is that we are fallen, broken... but with the power of the holy spirit we are redeemed and brought to God. I ask you, Lord, to remove the sin that stands in the way of a pure and complete relationship with you. I give my heart and my life to you right now. No more compartmentalizing, no more holding back. Help me to be a woman who pleases you!

She is clothed with strength and dignity: she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness...Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31: 26-27, 30

Here I am...

"Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down. Here I am to say that you're my God. You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, althogether wonderful to me." Jeremy Camp

We were created for God's pleasure! "You are worthy, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11

Worship is for the Lord, and not for my own benefit--worship is a lifestyle! I need to keep in mind that anything I do can be done to worship my Lord... "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I Cor 10:31.

Let it rise!

The point for me to keep in mind for today is that I need to try and glorify God in whatever I do. I'm definitely going to need to lean on his power for this, because I constantly find myself struggling with this sort of thing. I'm such a sinner, but his strength is made perfect in my weakness!

Holly cookies

Here's a shot of my little stinker with the holly cookies we made for Christmas. I'm not much of a cook so, these were all we made. I not only love these because they're pretty good (if you can get beyond the green food coloring!), but also because they are a recipe from my second mom, Rose Ann. She went to be with the Lord in April of 1996. I have to say that Christmas hasn't been the same since. She always brought a special spirit of joy to the season. Although I miss her all year long, it's during this time I miss her the most.

January 8th, first blog entry

I've finally taken the plunge and started The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. My friend, Karey, described it as a "life-changing" book, and I must say that so far I agree with her. Today I am on day 6 of the journey. I am going to try to keep reminding myself that this world is not my home. My life on earth is a temporary assignment, and I was created to serve my Lord! When I die, I will not leave "home," I will be going home to be with my creator.