For the past few weeks I've been feeling somewhat in a spiritual slump. Realizing that the slump was most likely the result of not spending enough time in the word, I broke out the Bible and a book a dear friend gave me by Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness. Instead of "feeling" (Praise God that our true relationship with Him is not just based on our "feelings!") instantly renewed and holy, I felt anxiety and angst. I was so displeased with my lack of willingness to turn away from my repetitive sin---sin that grieves my Lord. I began to question whether or not I was truly His child... whether I had truly taken on the conversion and transformation that this entails. Instead of giving up and turning back to my lackluster life, I pressed on and I prayed. I shared my concerns briefly with Renee, and also with my husband. They were able to open my eyes and my heart to the fact that the anxiety and angst towards my sin are a good thing. Just being cognizant of this alone brought me into a new light and closer to my Savior. Struggling with sin doesn't make me unsaved, it makes me more reliant on Him! Through this reliance I gain humility and seek His grace. Renee pointed out that if I was "perfect" in my battle with sin, I would fall into the sin of pride. I know I will not be perfect, I will not be complete until I meet Him face-to-face on that beautiful day. Until then, I will seek to do His will, to be grieved by my sins as much as they grieve my Savior and rely on His grace, faith and love.